Mistakes in my past litter my path like leaves in the fall. For those of us that “know” we’re right, the first thing I wish I knew in my youth was that other people’s ideas are just that — other people’s ideas. They aren’t wrong if they disagree with me. They just have a different viewpoint. The reverse is true, as well. My ideas are not wrong just because I disagree with someone else. On the other hand, I have a right to my opinions and don’t have to be flexible to the point of changing my opinion to please others. I can voice my opinion and drop it. Even more radical, I can keep my opinion to myself.
Other things I wish I had known:
- I am gifted and that gifted people often have intensity of emotions. My temper has been a pitfall throughout my life. Every hobby I take up becomes more of an obsession. Also, being gifted does not make me better than other people, just different.
- I came to Dabrowski’s theory late in life and had been through several positive disintegrations by then: divorce, death, depression, and empty nest. Looking back, I can see them clearly as signs of emotional growth, but at the time it felt like disaster.
- Being stimulated is a need in gifted individuals, not a fault. It’s okay to have lots of interests, although it does make for a messy house. I am ashamed of bad behavior I exhibited in school because of under-challenging teachers and wish I had asked the teacher for some extra projects to work on in my spare time. I also would have understood my mother better when she needed to move the furniture every few months or paint a room in the house every year.
- Perfectionism can be harmful. I was so discouraged with my drawing ability, I never gave it a try. The same is true of my writing. My children have inherited some perfectionism, for better or worse. My oldest recently did an Ironman triathlon. My daughter works out regardless of her schedule. My middle child has trouble sleeping if he can’t get all the computers ready for the start of school.
- Perfectionism can be good. We can use our ideals to lead a better life than if we just give up. We can hold ourselves to a higherstandard and be happy if we make progress in that direction. We can improve our skills if we so choose.
- Family stories can give us insights into our personalities. I wish I had known how much I would want to learn about my family. I would have listened to my father and mother more and talked less. Depression, anxiety, alcoholism, religion, dementia, poverty and wealth all influenced my genetic script.
- Music, writing, reading, and art are essential to my life. Time alone is good. Time with friends is good. Time with relatives is priceless.
- Pets are like children, especially when your nest is empty.
- Being sensitive is not always a strength.
- The worth of a human being is unrelated to their intelligence.
This blog is part of Hoagies Gifted Blog Hop. Please click on the link to see the next post.